Disclaimer

The views expressed in all blog postings are mere generalizations and at times, slight exaggerations. I've had questions (not that I have a readership or anything), so I thought I'd clear that up. Serious problems with any specific person will be addressed outside the blog-o-sphere.

No Solicitation, Please

It's 100% official. I now have a #1 on the list of things Amy Pratt Hates with All Her Cold, Hard, Beating Heart. Unsolicited Advice. I hate it. I loathe it. If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it.

It's taken me almost 23 years to realize that I hate advice. I try not to give my thoughts on a situation unless somebody asks me outright. One day, I won't give advice unless I bill you for it; that's how much I don't value your unsolicited opinion.

Sure, tell me what you thought about a movie, a book, Sarah Palin's lipstick--that's absolutely fine--just don't tell me how you think I should conduct my day-to-day affairs or how I should act in any sort of relationship...especially dating relationships.

I've recently entered into an official Facebook relationship with a fantastic guy. We're moving right along at a pace we're comfortable with, and that suits us just fine, yet I'm being told that being "official" a mere 3 weeks after the "talking" stage is just moving too fast; really, it's not this opinion that bothers me just so much, it's just that all the unsolicited advice I've been given has filled up a huge storage closet in my head and it's bursting at its hinges. Just in the past 3 years or so, I've been given a few key pieces of advice that really stand out in my mind.

• The Doctrine of When You Least Expect It: Apparently, good things don't come to those who wait; they come to those who do not anticipate. Almost any time I'd ever whined to a happily attached girlfriend about the lack of a man in my life, this phrase flowed like milk and honey out of the Promised Land. Amy, you'll find him...when you least expect it. The right one will come along...when you least expect it. Forget asking, seeking, and knocking; all you have to do is stop expecting things and--poof!--there it is. I think I'm gonna stop expecting my JD and see what happens.
• Play Hard-to-Get: Ok sure. Nobody likes a person who reeks of desperation, and I'll be the first to admit that in life in general, a little mystery keeps things interesting. I'm not saying that such a game doesn't work; act disinterested and expect a little extra attention. On a personal level, however, I prefer to be my assertive, aggressive self. I appreciate someone who will still stick around after I've blurted out that I think you're the hottest thing since Sun Chips or that one day I want a red station-wagon, 3.5 kids and a golden retriever. I just don't have time to waste (except in writing blogs, I'll give you that) and I prefer to be up front with what I think and feel, and I want someone to extend to me the same courtesy. Maybe I'm crazy.
  
• He's Gotta Be Just Like Mike: This principal governing all successful relationships is a close second to The Doctrine of When You Least Expect It. Anytime I've ever recounted my murky dating life to a blissfully bonded friend, she liked to tell me how what I was going through couldn't possibly have potential/hope/an ice cube's chance in hell because the events unfolding in my situation weren't analogous to what went down in her relationship. I met Mike on a Sunday and he called and asked me for dinner the following Monday. Mike never waited more than 2 days between those initial phone calls. Mike jumped off a bridge to prove his devotion for me. Granted, there are always telltale signs of a relationship on the up and up (he introduced you to his friends, took you out on a real date, didn't make you sneak in the back door to the basement after turning off your headlights in the cul-de-sac, etc.), but the beauty of planet earth is that we aren't all exactly the same. I'm just a firm believer that what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another.
  

So, ladies and gentleman, let's give our friends a break and keep our happy little arbitrary advice to ourselves unless it is asked for specifically. What works for you may not work for me, or anyone else for that matter. You may be the exception, not the rule. Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one. Need I say more? Maybe one day your opinion will be asked for...

...when you least expect it.

Stop Me If You've Heard This One!

Yes folks, it's that time of the week that I decide to prolong the inevitable i.e., sleeping only to wake up, writing a memo, etc., and stay up til an ungodly hour and blog.

I enjoy the Facebook group "You Might Be In Law School If..." cause it's hilarious and en pointe. My favorite "You Might Be..." is "You can’t remember if you decided to come to law school because you wanted to help people and make a difference in the world or because you hate yourself." Eight weeks ago I was hoping for liberty and justice for all. Now I'm pretty sure that there is no such thing as liberty, and justice for all? Well, you optimists, you can forgettaboutit. Parties lose lawsuits on mere technicalities. The bench sometimes interprets statutes to their own liking. Such facts have led me to the conclusion that life isn't fair. I'm also much less sympathetic to others than I used to be. Like yesterday, I heard on the radio that some man got shot 5 times by a tow-truck driver over his refusal to move his car at an apartment complex or something or other. Instead of shaking my head in disbelief at "people these days" I found myself thinking about respondeat superior and wondering if the man's family would have a claim against the towing company for the actions of their driver. Hmmm.

Since becoming a law student, I find I pop pills and consume alcoholic beverages like none other. Ok, there are others way worse than I am, but I never used to take Tylenol PM/Excedrin Tension Headache/Iburpofen all in a given week just to function, nor did I ever have to count the number of glasses of wine or Blue Moons I drank in a given week and enter it into a database to see if I had a problem. Ok, maybe that's a little extreme, but you get the point; I'm exhausted but I'm too wound up to go to sleep, I'm so tired I'm nauseated, the list goes on and on. Yes, I'm praying about this and reciting Bible verses to get me through the day. Please don't judge me for drinking alcohol sometimes. Or for trafficking illegal drugs and supplying weapons to minors.

I still can't keep up with everyone I love so much. I forget who I've talked to, who I've told what, and I just can't keep it all together. For anybody who's reading this and cares, please be patient with me. I'm doing the best I can, and yes, the "best I can" also includes taking time for myself to write creatively/Facebook stalk/watch tv/make new friends in Memphis/have a ridiculously good-looking boyfriend. I miss my peeps, but I can't let this part of my life pass me by for fear that I'm gonna break your heart if we're not on the phone 24/7. Friends back home, I love you, but this is hard on me too. Perhaps one day the old Amy will return! Well, she never really left but, you get the picture.

So much more I could say, but alas, my head is hurting and I need to sleep so I can knock out the rest of this memo and some contracts homework tomorrow.

I also think there's an ambulance outside that needs chasing.

Hum Drum and a Little Glum

It makes absolutely perfect sense that when you get burnt out on reading and briefing that you would blog. I'm too hyped up on caffeine and stress to be able to sleep. Today was hellish. Tomorrow will be worse. Dear Lord Jesus please help me through it!

First things first. Friday I had the best bona-fide date of my life. Seriously. Again, not saying too much, but I was so appreciative and flattered that somebody put thought and creativity into taking me out. He even calls me. He even admits he likes me. He has Jesus in his heart and is just downright fantastic. He looks great in pictures with me. He might just be a keeper. I hope he feels the same.

School is hard. It is really hard. It's like a marathon. I'm 1/4 of the way through being a 1L, and I'm running out of steam. My head hurts. I have to take Excedrin Tension Headache to make it through the day. I can't get to sleep and I can't get out of bed in the mornings. We have a new contracts professor since our old one is sick. We are 8 classes behind the other section. I'm worn out, and it's only Tuesday.

I love Torts, but the cases make me angry. I still think Marvin Katko deserved to be shot by that spring-loaded shot gun, no matter what the court said. He shouldn't have been able to sue the Brineys for trying to protect their property. But that's only my opinion. Bleh.

I'm ready for the election to be over with. I really hate the commentary on Facebook. No matter what happens, I think we'll all be alright. The Lord will take care of us. I will not move to Canada. God bless America. Let's have a sense of humor about things and not fight each other. I read too many arguments in judicial opinions each day, and I don't feel like pitting my crap opinion against your crap opinion, so don't ask for it.

Gotta make it through Thursday. Gotta do a decent job on that memo. Then I'm going to watch Silence of the Lambs, because that's what heartless lawyers-to-be do. They watch horror movies so that they'll appreciate not literally being eaten for breakfast, just figuratively.

Helloooooo Three Weeks Later!

Warning: The following blog is slightly childish and reminiscent of a scene from Napoleon Dynamite. Reader discretion is advised.

Yeah man, I've been slacking on the blogging. My brain is becoming more and more full of legal things that I don't understand, therefore clouding my thoughts and hampering my creative genius (except for right now, when I'm 100% full of crap).

Memphis is still good. Finding my way around more. A little more than a week ago I had a bout with homesickness (seriously, you think that would've happened a week after my parents left me here), but I'm fine now. More earth shattering, I finally wised-up and realized that that someone who I just couldn't get over, was truly as asshole (sorry for the foul language, but there's no other way around it). My low point and time of epiphany came when I was sitting in the library, writing him a stupid facebook message since his phone was broken and he wasn't responding to me anyway, and I realized that he created one of those gay "my phone is broken, need your numbers" groups and managed to ask every rando and her brother to join. Except for me. Sure, seems like a small thing, but when you're heart has been on a roller coaster for 7 months and you've allowed someone to treat you like his dirty little secret, and you find yourself silently crying in the girls' bathroom over something as trivial as a Facebook group invite, you realize that it's time to act like the almost 23-year old woman future attorney that you are, and take control of your life. I decided I could let him continue to jerk me around as he saw fit, or I could take control, let him know that I was moving on, and believe the words that were coming out of my very own mouth. So I did just that. Didn't hear anything from him after that. Until tonight when he decides to text me with something completely benign, probably fishing for some sort of ego boost. Sorry buddy, but you're barking up the wrong tree. Maybe it's time you just stopped barking altogether.

Sorry for that completely high school diary entry. Moving on.

Exciting news though! The Husband Hunt (kidding) is looking up! Someone completely unexpected kind of "came into my life" recently. Things are very preliminary, and I'm not gonna say much or get my hopes up, but I'm very interested to see what happens. Cause he's kind and considerate and etc. and straight-up gorgeous. Bonus: he's also straight. *Fist pump* Basically I can't make any real assessments yet, but I'm excited. And scared. Just go with it Amy, go with it.

So yeah. Besides law, those are the main things running through my head right now. Superficial and juvenile, I know. But in the words (or shall I say lyrics?) of Britney Spears, "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman."

Oops. I did it again.

How Old Am I Again?

I gotta say: today was a good day.

Although I could barely bring myself to crawl out of bed, I managed to get to school a whopping 25 minutes early (even after parking!), put my books in my locker (yes, I said locker) and take a seat before the professor did. On top of that, classes were decent, my homework load was as light as it probably will ever be, and I had a sweet little shopping trip by myself. It was pretty fab.

I've heard it mentioned before, but right here, on the record, it has to be said: law school is a lot like Junior High School. Here's why:

• Lockers Oh yes, that's right. For the low price of $5 per semester, law students at the University of Memphis can have their very own locker for storage of books, binders, lunchboxes, and other legal items. Combination lock included. You may think you're too cool to have a locker, but spend a day carrying around at least 5 casebooks and a law dictionary and you'll think twice. I've contemplated buying a locker shelf, magnetic mirror, and Jonas Brothers paraphernalia, but alas, my books and TigerBeat teen magazine will just have to keep each other company in the dark recesses of the locker bay.
• Lunchboxes The last time I carried a legitimate lunchbox was in Junior High (Middle School, we Karns folk called it). High school I either bought my lunch or brown bagged it, and college lunch was anything I could microwave in Greve or bum when I babysat. Now, if you don't want to starve from 9-5 or pay $7 a pop for a meal every day, you best be packin'...lunch, that is. I have a delightful lavendar Arctic Zone that I carry daily. I pack my sandwich and fruit snacks and juice box with my cute purple ice pack and it sustains me. We even have a cute little student lounge with tables and microwaves. No lunchroom monitor though.
  
• Assigned Seats You thought that when you went to professional school you would have freedom surpassing that of any undergraduate classroom, but instead, you find yourself checking the seating chart as you enter the room to make sure you're counted present and sitting in the right spot. Never mind these professors know every Restatement (Second) of Torts or the majority of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure; matching 71 names with 71 faces is impossible, hence, the assigned seats.
  
• Gossip The law school as a whole has approximately 450 students, and there are fewer than 150 first year law students. We are divided into 2 sections of 70 something students per section, so it's fairly simple to know who's who and whatnot. My friend Kari is in the opposite section from me, but we can still discuss who's dating whom and who freaked out in Torts and laugh about the guy who is ambiguously gay/cross-eyed with relative ease.
  
• Insecurity I can only speak for myself on this one, but for the first time in 3-4 years, I'm trying on multiple outfits before I hit the door at 8 am, I stress over my hair like none-other, and I have to psych myself up to talk to anyone who looks relatively cool...which is pretty much everyone. This has been the most humbling part of school so far. Although UT was a huge campus, I was rarely intimidated. After working as an Orientation Leader for Incoming Freshmen in 2007, I couldn't go many places without being called Patti Mayonnaise (my character in a skit) or hearing "hey, weren't you my OL..." and I was 2nd in command in my sorority for a whole year, so I just got used to being the big fish in that proverbial pond. Sure, there were tons of people who were involved with waaay more things that I ever was, but I was in a place where I was comfortable, and that's been a huge shock for me. Yeah, I've made friends, but I always wonder if I've been invited somewhere as a last resort or something ridiculous like that. I went shopping for "cooler" clothes this weekend so I wouldn't feel like such a doofus walking into class. Everybody's so good looking and put together for the most part, and I've definitely been knocked off that high-horse I was on for awhile. I seriously became one of the most superficial people I'd ever met! Nothin' like a little humility to put you back where you belong.

On that serious note, it's time for me to stop. I have much more to say on the subject of law school and insecurities, but it would take hours and volumes. Not to mention I'd have nothing to ever blog about again.

Until next time, friends.

Oh There's No Place Like Home for The Hol-i-days...

I know, I know. It's a Christmas song, but since law school gave me Monday off, Labor Day is the holiest of holies (did I spell that correctly?) to me.

Yep, I'm home, and it's weird. I've always been in Knoxville, and it's been more than a month since I've been gone. It's strange because I keep trying to put things away where they used to go, only to find that my sister has claimed my side of the bathroom and my old room is now a storage unit. I wish I had more time here cause I'd like to see some more people, but I've gotten in some pretty essential visits that can carry me through to the next time I'm home.

I survived week 2 of torture, aka, law school. I quickly found that by falling behind on things one day will screw you over for the rest of the week, which means I need to get my crap in order before I head back Monday and do some laundry and junk so I won't be scrambling to do that stuff at night. Bleh.

This week I was the most unpleasant human being around, probably due to lack of sleep and being behind, so on and so forth. I thought I was gonna lose it a few times toward the end of the week, and I definitely was a bit of a drama queen and took my frustrations out on a few who didn't deserve it. I'll do better this week!

I'm still completely terrible at returning phone calls, but given that I can't form a coherent sentence by the time Wednesday rolls around, I'd say that you aren't missing too much if I do owe you one. I will say that I am starting to get frustrated with classes, because concepts are getting harder and I feel like a dumbass, especially in Civil Procedure. I also hate that I'm an old woman and I have to sleep 8+ hours a night to be able to completely function. Earlier this week I thought I was doing better with less sleep, but that turned out not to be the case when I found myself breathing in on the count of three on the living room floor Thursday afternoon when I was so tired and stressed I thought I was going to spontaneously combust. I think my true age is really like 45 or something, cause my idea of a good day consists of having a good cup of coffee, some peace and quiet, 2 Tylenol PMs before bed, and waking up the next morning without having dreamed about finding my ex-husband with his secretary on our dining room table....or uh, something like that. Of course, when I go to school I feel like a ninth grader with my huuuuuge backpack, locker, and gay lavendar lunchbox, not to mention that my hair is a frizzy mess and my clothes just look kinda juvenile. I'm having the same self-esteem issues I had back then, and I kinda hate it.

I'm gonna do my best to keep it together this week and make it to Bar Review and go out next weekend. I'm also going to maybe do some shopping to look like the 22 year old I am. Baby steps.

Holy Matrimony!

It's after Midnight. I should be sleeping, or at the very least, getting ahead on my homework. But alas, I'm for some reason a bundle of energy and I find that the less I sleep, the better I am. I think that maybe the old Amy Pratt from a couple years ago is back. A little high strung and ready to go!

In the movie The Wedding Planner, Jennifer Lopez's character explains her talent for planning gorgeous weddings with the logic, "Those who can't, teach. Those who don't wed, plan!" Well, I'm not doing any wedding planning, but I do look at a lot of wedding pictures, see a lot of reality shows, and I've never had a wedding of my own obviously, so I think that gives me license to comment on the heinous decor and such that I've seen in these wedding pictures. Yes, my logic is fallacious. Sue me.

Maybe I'm biased, but I was in the most gorgeous wedding this summer, which is probably why nothing else I've seen depicted in wedding photos even compares. Still, it cracks me up to look at pictures with blindingly white plastic lattices and fake greenery and ginormous candelabras. I sure to goodness hope people don't have those things in their homes, so why would you want something so tacky as a backdrop for the said "happiest day of your life?" It makes no sense to me. There are just some things I'll never understand...

• Flower girls and ring bearers I could just be bitter that I never got to be a flower girl or jealous that my baby sister was practically booked every summer until the ripe age of 5 to scatter petals on the way to the alter. Still, I see no point in the anxiety that having small children in a wedding brings. Kids cry. They get embarrased and refuse to do what they're told. They fidget. They trip on the aisle runner. They are so darn cute. Bottom line, they take all the attention away from you, the blushing bride. You know you can't take your eyes off the ring bearer picking his nose during the vows. You don't remember how the bride's eyes welled with tears as the groom read the heartfelt promises he wrote himself. No. You're wishing the dang toddler would get his finger outta his nose and learn some manners. Or you completely missed the beauty of the string quartet playing Canon in D for the wailing of the "bashful" flower girl. Ugh. No thanks.
• Guest book attendants A friend and I used to always joke that we would make each other the "guest book girl" at each others' weddings if we ever had them, because it's quite possibly the most insulting role in a wedding (unless you have a gift table girl and/or bubble girl). It says "hey we're not close enough for you to be a bridesmaid/singer/instrument player or, heaven forbid, young enough to be the flower girl/junior bridesmaid, but your sister and best friend are and I just don't want you to feel left out/throw a fit/object at my wedding." I believe a guest book needs to explanation as to what should be done with it. Enough said.
  
• Unity Candles/Unity Sand/Unity Water Sure, it's a representation of 2 becoming 1, Christ with the Church, so on and so forth, but I feel like if you're at a wedding, you get the point of what's going on there and after. I believe it just makes us all feel awkward, kind of like when you take pictures of the bed you um, slept in, on your Honeymoon and show them to us and/or post them in public places. Not to mention people always rent out the most atrocious candelabras ever made and the puniest little candles and it just ruins said beautiful awkward moment.
  
• Throwing the bouquet You spent an obscene amount of money on those flowers and you just threw them to a pack of wild beasts who trample each other to catch them, besides the fact that the lucky female who catches them rarely is the next one to get married. Heck, I caught the bouquet at my aunt's wedding when I was 13 (thanks to some sweet rebounding skills I learned in Jr. Pro basketball before I became short), and here I am, nearly 10 years older and just as single as I was back then. Maybe it's some sort of punishment for not allowing the 20-somethings in back of me to feel a glimmer of hope and catch a glimpse of their future husband when they touched that magic bouquet.
  

I could go on about ugly cake toppers and poor music choices, but I'm gonna have to call it quits for tonight. It's likely that after all that I'll be cursed with a love for white plastic lattices and a life of loneliness. At least I'll have my pride.

A Little Bit Too Heavy on the Thinkin'...

Well, I survived my first week of law school.

After shaking uncontrollably for about 4 days straight, I feel like I'm finally getting acclimated to everything and I'm really looking forward for what all is to come. I won't comment too much on classes and such, cause I feel like I may accidentally reveal something I'm not supposed to and break honor code and be expelled or something, and that's about the last thing I want.

I started the week off by walking into the wrong classroom as the other section was having class. I thought the class had started 10 minutes early and that I was late, but upon looking around the room and recognizing absolutely no one from my section, I promptly turned, hung my head, and walked out. I Luckily, the rest of the day was good.

The load of work has been unreal, and pretty much the only thing I've done this week besides read and brief cases is to shower, sleep, eat, and run a little. Law school so far really is unlike any other kind of schooling I've ever done, and I've never worked so hard/learned so much in such a brief period of time as I have this week. It's been crazy, but it's been a blast. I've been silencing my phone pretty much all hours of the day, so if you've called me countless times and I still haven't answered or returned your call, don't take it personally! For some reason everybody I know chose this week to call and catch up, so my "return phone calls list" is about a mile long and I will try to take care of those things soon. I haven't even been talking to my mom this week, which is a complete rarity. I miss my friends from Knoxville, but I've been using what little free time I have to catch my breath and/or make new friends here, since I'm gonna be here a while. There's just so much out here that I want to experience that I don't want to waste my time on the phone. Just let me assure you that even though I'm on hiatus from the phone, that I still care about what's going on in your lives and I love you! One day I'll catch up with everyone. One day...

I've had a really difficult time sleeping this week even though I'm exhausted, so I've had to rely on documentaries and Tylenol PM to get me to sleep at night. I'm just one big nerve and I've caught myself several times this week just absolutely trembling in my seat because I've been so anxious! Luckily, it's getting better.

Thursday morning I missed my first class due to the obscene amount of construction-related traffic on Walnut Grove. Fearing being eaten for breakfast and being labeled "that girl who came in late and got chewed out the first week of class," I sat in the parking lot and boo-hooed for being a failure at life. Then I decided that feeling sorry for myself never did anything but hold me up before, so I put on my happy face and made it to Property on time.

Class is really fun. I haven't been bored once, and the professors and subject matter are so engaging. I can't remember the last time I had a genuine interest in what I was studying, which has only affirmed that this is what I'm supposed to be doing! I've been so impressed and grateful for how kind everyone has been. For the most part, the other 1Ls have been so friendly on the whole and eager to make friends, and I really like the sense of community that the law school has; we stay in one building all day long, we have lockers and carry lunchboxes and have assigned seating. It's a little like middle school, but the change of pace is quite refreshing.

Last night we had "Bar Review," which was an absolute blast. The Student Bar Association hosts the event and the entire law school is invited to a certain bar for the night, and everybody just mingles and chills out. It was such a nice break from case briefing, and it was great to meet new people and get acquainted with more of Memphis.

I really do love it here. I'm enjoying being completely reliant on myself without my mom doing my laundry or anything, and it's just the neatest thing to me to be in such a huge city, 6 hours from home, and to be surviving and kind of thriving! I love being able to look back on past disappointments like not being admitted to UT Law and boo-hooing for days because things had'nt gone according to planned, and thinking about how beautifully this "disappointment" panned out! I still love where I'm living, Kelly my roommate is great, and I've loved having Kari around to navigate this whole 1L scene with me, and it's been great getting to know her since we hadn't talked in about 4 years! I really and truly do feel so blessed beyond what I deserve, and I'm so thankful to have been granted this opportunity.

Knoxville, I do miss you! I'm in a sea of royal blue here, and nobody really shares my love/lust for Bruce Pearl, as John Calipari is a god. I'm sad that I won't be able to hear Rocky Top from my dorm room all day Saturdays this fall or see the city in a state of bliss/distress given the gameday outcome. To me, there still is no place more lovely than the University of Tennessee, and I'll miss seeing how perfect it is in October, my favorite month. I wish I could see my friends too! Steph, I miss our Tuesday night dinners. Tyler, I miss seeing you just about everyday and being your boo! I miss the chats with my sorority sisters and living with you guys. I want to go out with Leigh Anne, relive the month of June with Morgan and Megan Merkl, have Scarefest 4 with Chad. And even though I need to get over my feelings for/how much I miss somebody else, it's incredibly tough! Trust me, I'm keeping my options wide open and I'm not passing up anything or anyone simply based on how I feel, and I don't expect you to either, especially since we've been over how it would never work about a thousand times, but good grief! I haven't been so struck by anyone ever. Classic case of wanting the one thing you can't have. Ugh. And lastly, Tara baby, it's hard to miss you since you live in my heart. I see you every time I google pictures of Pat Summitt and Siberian Huskies. This evil world has kept us apart for almost 2 years now, but eventually we WILL settle in that town house, buy a new grill, and maybe get a sister for Dakota. Whatcha think?

So...now that I've bared my soul more than I should've and I've been (mostly) serious for once, I think I'll call it a night. I'll also call this therapy, and I'll try to call you tomorrow.

A Blog Post Before Dying

Well it's official. I'm now a 1L. I'm now officially nauseated.

My last week of freedom was quite beautiful. On Tuesday my bank account became pregnant with excess financial aid (I had to use pregnant in a non-baby sense to see what it looked like. It looks ugly. And fat.), my new phone was delivered, I got a new mailbox key, and I finally got all my mail. Yippee! I got to catch up with Kari (a fellow KHS graduate who just so happens to be a 1L at UofM with me, talk about nuts! Oh yeah, and we have the same birthday and undergraduate major. It's uncanny) and I bought a new backpack that isn't stained by a hot pink sharpie (OMG Amy, is that blood on your bag?), and watched some good TV (I appreciate TV when it's not all I have to do). Paranormal State was great this week, as was the Secret Life of the American Teenager. Oh the drama! I then went to Beale Street and spent all my money on booze and transvestite prostitutes. I now have syphillus, but I had a good time.

So Thursday was the big Orientation day, and it was pretty good. Exhausting and a little nerve-racking, but good. Our 1L class is 59% male and 41% female, so I'd say my chances of finding a closeted homosexual male to date before he comes out are pretty good. I spent the most obscene amount of money on books and then I went home and did homework for the following day.

Friday was better, and then Kari and I attempted to go to the reception downtown for the 1Ls, but I thought it was an arrive-at-your-leisure sort of thing, and we couldn't find the dang place, so we were a good 75 minutes late, just in time to see that the food was gone and so was the wine. We promptly left and ate Chinese food.

I've spent the rest of the weekend organizing pretty much everything I own and playing with my new OneNote software (totally awesome), and today I did my work for tomorrow. It was like the first time in 3 years that I've completed a whole assignment before it was due, so it's safe to say that orientation put the fear of God in me. Yes ma'am.

In other news, I've concluded that Memphis drivers are a danger to themselves and others. I almost got hit twice today by U-Turners and swervers. Luckily, no one was harmed. I should be back in Ktown for a brief stint over Labor Day weekend. I'm going to drive by Neyland Stadium and weep. I'm excited to see my family, and hopefully I can see anybody else who notices and cares that I'm in town. It's also a definite plan to own Chad Elmore in The Office trivia game and watch him cry like a little girl afterwards. That'swhatshesaid. Tee hee. Tee hee.

So the first day of real school is tomorrow, and I'm sooo excited/feeling like vomiting up my guts because I'm so nervous. I'm afraid I'll accidentally plagiarize on the first day after being 15 minutes late to class and that they'll have to kick me out because the Bar will never admit me (and we're talking about THE Bar here, not A bar, like Cool Beans or Silky's or anything like that. That type of bar always welcomes with open arms)!!! I tried to get minimal sleep last night so I can sleep tonight without anxiety. Please pray that I am not caught in some freak traffic accident tomorrow/eaten by a law professor for breakfast.

So here goes nothin'. Famous last words.

Beginnings and Endings

Holy Moses. I just came to the realization that this fall will not be spent on good ole Rocky Top as it has been in years past.

I think maybe this happy thought just crossed my mind as I have been facebook stalking and status reading and such and it dawned on me that my sorority sisters are gearing up for retreat and recruitment right now and I. Am. Not. Not that I'm gonna miss sweating like a fiend in Panhellenic and singing and talking til I'm blue in the face, but dear lord how I'll miss those girls. The late night chats about all things inappropriate, the new dresses and jewelry and nervousness, the excitement over the new members...I could go on, but I won't.

Memphis is still being very good to me, but it's hard to believe that I won't be setting foot on that hallowed hill as a student ever again. No more ball games in the student section or Daily Beacon crosswords or nights in Greve. No more English classes (praise Jesus) or not studying in the Commons or burger nights at Copper Cellar. No more invading the ADPi floor to bunk with Leigh Anne and watch John Tucker and Bridget Jones' Diary or bustin' in Courtney and Danielle's room with stupid stories and then running to Mary's room and stopping in Carly's on the way to say something foul. These are the things college is made of. I'm gonna miss it.

It has also occurred to me that I'm incredibly close to being a full-fledged adult soon. In three years I'll (hopefully!) be starting my career and having an income that doesn't have to be processed by EdAmerica first. I'd like to have a cute little house with a backyard and a dog, and I'll have dinner parties and fun kitchen gadgets. I'll buy tons of shoes and designer bags and be fabulous.

Then a few years later I'll feel a loneliness that Fluffy the Pomeranian cannot fulfill. I'll meet a man. His name will be Bill and he'll have a career in science. He'll do some type of research. He'll be an expert witness on something I need in order to prosecute a case or something. I'll marry him because I'll be pushing 35 and it'll be pretty hard to ignore that tic-tocking of my biological clock (not to mention that Steve Carrell won't be the only 40 year old virgin by that time...). He's pretty average looking and an awful dresser. He loves sporting events but shows no enthusiasm. He's a good golfer because his mother never allowed him to play contact sports, not to mention that his asthma has always been a major deterrent. He has a subscription to Scientific America, and when asked his favorite author, he doesn't miss a beat. It's JRR Tolkien. Stephen King novels are a guilty pleasure. He used to be a Trekkie, and if he could have any super power, it would be the ability to teleport. Bill will be socially awkward but he won't mind the dinner parties. He won't be much of a talker, but he'll listen to my stories. We'll probably rethink our marriage every day, as I will be too high strung for him and he'll bore the hell out of me. He'll accuse me of being "emotionally unavailable" and I'll call him "spineless." We'll stay together for the kids, "the ONLY good things you ever gave me, BILL!" but once they're old enough to understand that "just because Mommy and Daddy don't love each other, doesn't mean they don't love you" the marriage will move to Splitsville, USA, where I'll pursue men 10 years my junior who speak little English and look good by my pool. Bill will move back home out west to be close to his mother, where he will take a job doing research for his alma mater. I'll only see Bill twice a year when we meet halfway to pick up and drop off the kids, but we'll all live happily ever after with anxiety medication and a few family therapy sessions.

I'm excited to see what the future really does hold. The End.

Walkin' in Memphis: The First Time's a Charm(er)

Oh Memphis. I think I love you.

So after pretty much a full week of TV watching and pajama wearing, I managed to get my lazy rear off the couch, into real clothes, and out and about. I have to give a big thanks to Miss Erica Bone for taking me to an awesome 80s party at one of our sorority sister's houses and then letting me hang around with her and her boyfriend and his Med School friends. It was a blast.

I think I love people who love science because they are way fun. Those Med kids know how to throw down. After playing a highly competitive game of Catch Phrase in this guy's sweet downtown apartment, we headed to Beale Street, which was overwhelming and wonderful all at the same time. The entire street is blocked off from traffic and lined with all sorts of people, but the good thing is there's plenty of security and you have to show ID to even get on the street. You do have to watch though because young guys try to grab your arm when you walk down the street for some odd reason, so ladies, ignore what Beyonce and Destiny's Child told you and DON'T leave your men at home. Back on track now. We went to a place called Silky O'Sullivans, which is this massive open-air place with dualing pianos inside and a live band outside and about 4 different bars. It was unlike anything The Strip in Knoxville has to offer! We did some dancing outside, which was awesome, save for having to dance with a creepy guy named Mike from Michigan (lately I've been getting hit on by the creepiest creeps around, and they're all named Mike, which is just weird since my Dad's name is Mike, only he's a very kind and decent gentleman). Luckily, awesome Med school guy Jonathan from Wake Forest rescued me and that was a ton of fun. We finally rolled out at about 3 am and headed back to our cars. I got to see plenty of trollies and carriages and swanky little restaurants and homeless people sleeping on heating grates. It was awesome.

So here I am now, almost 2 pm, still in glasses and pajamas because I've only been awake and coherent for about an hour, after having crazy dreams about my mom trying to sabotage my dating life by telling guys that I only liked gay men. I'm also incredibly hoarse after yelling about how much I love Medical School and Science. Too bad I chose to study law. Ha.

Well, here I am again, in my pjs by 7:30 watching What Not to Wear. The good news is, having so much free time pretty much forces me to do necessary things, like exercise and take a multi-vitamin (yes Tara, I said multi-vitamin). I've also been driven to the point of checking things of my To-Do list, like write thank you notes and make phone calls to the insurance place and the doctor (although my phone calling efforts have been thwarted by my screwy cell). On the down side, having so much free time and no responsibility yet means I sleep way too late, shower only when necessary, and spend a ridiculous amount of time Facebooking. I am kind of learning to do grown-up things, like cook balanced meals and do laundry and stuff. Of course, I'm already tired of doing grown-up things, so I just stay in my pajamas and stare into the pantry and whine like a puppy. That was probably more than anyone wanted to know.

I am incredibly excited about starting school soon! For the first time in oh, about two years, I'm ready to be a little more academically competitive and focused. Don't get me wrong; I still did well back on good ole Rocky Top, but I was more focused on being a good EVP/Sigma Kappa member/OL, and I spent my free time being social, for the most part. Going into law school, I feel like I need to prove myself. My LSAT score was less than stellar, and to (loosely) quote my mother, "the Lord must've wanted you there because really, you shouldn't be there". I keep thinking I'm behind since I skipped so many assignments during my senior year (I said "no thanks" to David Copperfield and relied on cutesy comments in class to earn my participation points) and I have dreamt at least three times in the past few weeks that I show up to class late, without my books or a completed homeword assignment. Surely I can change my ways. Surely.

Although initially I was bummed about not getting to stay at UT for school, I feel like I'll have more freedom and fewer distractions in Memphis. Sometimes it's nearly impossible to get anything that requires quiet and concentration done in my house, and I know I would be tempted to hang out with friends when I should be studying. It would be hard to say no to UT Football and babysitting and doing Sigma K alum things, but here, the football isn't worth watching, no one knows I'm the best babysitter ever, and I won't be able to crash any date parties and/or formals. And luckily, so far with the move, it's been easier not to think about some things/people that had been distracting me and invading my thoughts for the last little while.

I just wanna be no-nonsense the next three years. More. than. anything.

A Word from Memphis

First it was Facebook and Myspace, then the iPod, and now the blog. I'm the classic bandwagon jumper.

I've been in Memphis for almost a whole two weeks, and I realize I've returned very few phone calls and have given few of you a sufficient update on what all has been going on! I'm gonna give this blog thing a shot since starting next Monday my time and energy is going to be very limited, and there will be no way I can keep up with the number of people I need to! Maybe a weekly post will suffice? We shall see.

So far, things here in Memphis have gone very well. My first month's rent was about $300 less than I had planned for (thank the Lord), I have a really cool room mate, and aside from the breakdown I had in the University of Memphis bookstore with my parents (you try trading in a lifetime of orange and white for royal blue), I haven't shed a tear over being away from home just yet. I'm sure it's coming. Still, I haven't been able to open my mailbox (the key just won't work--maintenance has it under control), I'm pretty much broke until sometime next week, and my phone decided to give out on me (I have to scream for anyone to hear me--not fun). Just a few minor setbacks.

So what does this native Knoxvillian think of West Tennessee? In the words of my friend Alex, it's a sweltering hell pit. The heat and humidity are positively unbelievable, so much so that even the pool water at the apartment is warm. Thankfully, it's been below 90 degrees the past two days, so I'm a happy camper. I really like the area I'm living in. The apartment is great, I have just about anything I could possibly need within a mile or two of my complex, and there's a ton to do. It's definitely a little more colorful here--not the same ol', same ol'. I think I like it.

I have had tons of free time since I've gotten settled, which has been really good for me. I feel like since Orientation last summer that I've been pretty much non-stop, and this has definitely given me a chance to catch my breath and get ready for the next phase of my life! During the past two weeks I've watched a ton of TLC's What Not To Wear, Forensic Files, Suburban Secrets, and my personal favorite, Paranormal State (Chad, it's just not the same without you!). I'm basically bored out of my mind and ready to start school. Imagine that.

There's so much more to tell, but I have to focus on the genius kids on Oprah right now. Maybe more later.